Long marriages

Old Marriages

I’ve been thinking about old marriages because I have observed many couples married forty, fifty, or sixty years on my snowbird retreat.  Yes, they have been married to one person all those years!  When we had been married about ten years, I couldn’t fathom we’d ever reach the twentieth anniversary.  We still had a lot of tugs, stumbles, and stubbornness in our marriage.  However, we learned the ebb and tide of flowing together through hardships, rearing two boys, and celebrating and having fun together even when we were fussing, arguing, and competing with each other.

It is a terrible combo when two competitive people that are both the babies in the family get married.  We both want to win.  It doesn’t matter if it is playing cards, climbing a mountain, succeeding in our career, or doing our own thing, or arguing.  We want to win.  Having the birth position of “baby” creates a dimension of  “it’s mine and I’m special”.  It has taken years to realize I am competitive even if I am not the athlete my husband is.  But, all these years together have taken the edge off our competitiveness, and we understand each other’s need to win.  We have taken competitive energy and turned it into together energy.  We have turned self-centeredness into we can do this together. 

Our marriage is like the sunrise.  We have seen some stormy mornings, vibrant red skies, ordinary days, and basked in the miracles of the rising sun.  It has taken all these circumstances to mold us, change our hearts, turn our cheeks, and lift our spirits during tough times.  Like a lingering sunrise of red, orange, and yellow upon a tranquil teal sea, each of these days together has created beauty within.  We appreciate each other’s talents and gifts, understand the gold in our hearts, and see the sunrise in each other.

We have celebrated well.  Energized by traveling to new countries, experiencing different cultures, and tasting foods and wines from afar have created an “awe” button within.  When we push that button, we vocalize to each other the magic of travel and how it has changed our perspective, awakened epiphanies, and increased our ability to appreciate those unlike us.  We embrace and love the new friendships that have been gained in our travels from New York to California, from Kazakhstan to Europe.  We always have a travel dream in our hearts and gratefulness for how our journeys have added to our marriage. Traveling together has made us best friends.

When we said, “ I do”, we didn’t realize the struggles and tears we would shed together.  We cried tears of anger and in sorrow.  When our children were hurting, ill, or challenged, our hearts sank in unison.  When we faced illness, financial hardships, or family deaths, that “ I do” became a contract.  I do love you even if we’ve made wrong judgments, been neglectful, are suffering illness, or standing firm in faith for our children’s healing. I do love you when you wrap your arms and energy around me and give me strength.  I love how you help me turn a negative into a positive by joining your energy with mine.

Forty-nine years of cheering at football games, laughing at our children’s antics, becoming that sacred title of “grandparent”, or going on a date, we have been blessed.  Only an old marriage realizes the magnetic energy of dancing like we did when we were teens. When old bodies embrace, music is heard and understanding is projected. We often need to help each other with a lost word when we share a favorite story.   Old marriages are like worn baby blankets.  They have comforted, warmed us, and been there through sleepless nights.  We have become that security blanket to each other.

I am so grateful we both held on to our marriage.  Through battles and victories, it has grown old, sentimental, and so sweet.

Reverend Myron Oyler tribute

Dedicated to Reverend Myron Oyler  

How do you thank a man who changed your life, your husband’s, and your two sons?  A man we loved and admired for many years went through heaven’s gate  on February 24.  He touched so many lives and made a difference in our world. 

The first time I met Myron, he extended the biggest, strongest hand I had ever felt.  His laugh was as big as his six foot four frame.  He was a farmer by trade but called by God to preach the gospel.  He followed that call with complete dedication, sincerity, and integrity. 

Myron taught me to read my Bible.  He knew the scriptures so well that I would use him as my concordance.  I’d phone him spontaneously and ask, “ Myron, where is the scripture on forgiveness, or baptism, or any other topic I was trying to grasp.” Amazingly, he could tell me where it was chapter and verse.  He expounded on why that scripture would change my life and anyone else’s.  He was a Bible scholar and his tattered Bibles revealed that it was a daily habit, not just a tool for Sunday sermons.

His sermons conveyed scriptural principles and always the love and power of faith.  He taught faith with the passion of Kenneth Hagin, his favorite evangelist.  Myron taught me faith. He showed me faith.  He lived by faith in Jesus and His powerful name.  He walked me hand in hand through believing for a miracle healing for our son, John Foster.  He taught me how to believe and sow seed into the kingdom of God and expect a dynamic return being shared with others.  He knew about seed from his years of farming and gardening.  He understood the physical principle and how to manifest the concept spiritually.  Our family trusted his insights and respected his love of the word.

He always had time to fellowship and serve his congregation.  If you needed a hand at picking corn or beans, he was there.  His love was chopping wood.  He took our youngest son, Adam, out to his farm to teach him to chop wood.  At the time, Adam was a football player, wrestler, and weight lifter.  He thought he was strong until he saw how a man forty years older swing that ax with precision, and cut and stack wood with speed and accuracy.  Adam came home that night exhausted exclaiming,

“ Mr. Oyler is the strongest man I’ve ever seen.”  Yes, Myron was strong in body and spirit.  He was one of a kind and a vintage example of the hard work ethic. 

Myron’s wife, Betty Jean, was truly his helpmate.  She too looked after and prayed for our children and so many more.  She and he had perseverance and compassion like no other couple I have ever known.  They loved the children of God and partnered in feeding, loving, and praying for them.  They modeled team marriage to our children and us. 

I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to love Myron and study under him.  He taught me to love Jesus on a deeper level.  He taught me the importance and impact of daily scripture meditation.  He gave his heart, body, and spirit to God’s children.  Now, he is with his Creator, laughing and praising Him in a new way.  I am confident that Myron is learning from God’s word in the heavens as he did on earth.  He was a servant of God who was faithful and obedient.  I am so grateful that he was my pastor and friend.  I’ll see you on the other side, Myron.  I will walk with you by our Savior’s side just as we did on this earth.  Thank you.  Thank you for all you gave to our family.  We are grateful and you will be missed.

*Funeral services will be March 5^th at 10:00 a.m. at Elm Ridge Funeral Home in Muncie.

Judge yourself that you will not be judged.

            I enjoy reading and study the works of the older evangelist like Smith Wigglesworth and C.H. Spurgeon.  They offer guidance for purity and how to be more like Christ. Their doctrines were not compromising.  They challenged their followers to ask evaluative questions of themselves.  Maybe in this holy season,  it is a good time to ask our Lord how are we doing?

            Today I asked myself, “Has my heart been broken because of sin?”  David asked the Lord that very question and wept in repentance.

            Today I asked myself, “Has my soul been full of true confidence in my hours of trials and difficulty?”

            This morning I asked myself, “How far am I conformed to the likeness of Christ?”

            I fell short on all of these.  My prayer today is,  “ Lord Jesus, help me in this season to have real faith and warmer zeal for reaching out to others.  Help me, O’Lord, to have Your fervent love toward family and strangers. Grant me humility and meekness.  I desire to present the lovely spirit that You constantly displayed.  Make me more like you, Jesus.  Draw me nearer to You in this sacred season.”  Amen

            Christmas is a time to become closer to Emmanuel.  He is with us. I am preparing my heart and home for my Special Guest this season.  May God’s blessings be abundant in your life.  Enjoy your time with Him.

Waiting prayers

Waiting …everything I am seeking is on the way.

            In May, I planted two small moonflower plants.  I wasn’t sure they would grow on the trellis because it was not located in full day sun. I asked God to bless them as I do when I plant most of  my flowers.

             As each of my spring beauties blossomed, I marveled at their bright colors of yellow, purple and pink and wondered when my moonflowers would bloom.  As summer annuals were mixed into my perennials, I looked at the moonflower vine and observed it was growing, but there were no buds.  Annuals bloomed brightly, and soon in July and August my ten hydrangea bushes burst forth large, elegant white and pink blooms.  I looked at the moonflower vine, and it was still climbing the trellis.  September came and I pulled wilted annuals and cut back some of the perennials and wondered if I should pull up the moonflower vine since it was doing nothing but producing heart shaped leaves.  I was rushed that day of gardening and decided to just leave it and pull it out when I came back from vacation.

              As I surveyed the gardens when I returned, I could not believe what I saw.  Giant moonflowers were on my trellis and evidence of some that had bloomed and wilted while I was gone.  The plant produced what it promised.  It bloomed in its time and its season.  In the midst of becoming my blessing, I almost uprooted it.  Instead of expectation as I had in the early months, I felt disappointment toward the end of summer. I almost destroyed my blessing before the bloom time was here. 

            How many of us have planted prayer seeds and wondered if they would be answered?  At first we were patient and diverted by other things around us.  However, months passed and seemingly no answer.  Then, it shows up.  It slips into your life so quietly, with grace and ease.  You might not even believe it at first.  When you weren’t looking, working, or even praying about it; suddenly the answer is there.  My moonflower taught me a wonderful lesson this summer.  Pray for something with all my soul, my full heart, and have confidence that God hears my prayer and acts on it.  That’s it! In fact, I don’t have to do anything but look up and see my moonflower in His timing.

The Marriage Formula

            As Denny and I celebrated forty-seven years of marriage last week, so many thoughts and stories were shared between us.  We looked at our wedding album together and asked, “ Who is that slim and dark haired couple?”

            Clarifying time with its mathematical progression has turned us into the elder Barons. Time is trickery. We thought when holding a sick, crying infant in the night, each hour was  an eternity of agony. Waiting two and half years for John’s healing seemed like forever. We learned faith as God healed him.  Staying seven months in bed to save Adam in the womb taught me God’s presence, and Denny to be a server, a caregiver , and accepted  Christ as his Savior. Our marriage took on a new perspective as we tried to keep Jesus the center of our decisions and plans.

Our marriage has shaped us into different people yet retained our personality and passions that attracted us. God intended marriage to be the vessel to make us more like Him.   We were the tools that refined each other.  Sometimes a knife sharp comment would break communication for a couple of days.  Other times seeing the other mate cry softened our heart for months.  Our life began to take on a rhythm of trust and appreciation.  However, this did not come without battles, tears, and a lot of making up.

            Marriage is an endurance contest to reach a fulfilled goal. Every day is different and a new lesson in how to love and give grace.  No wonder long marriages are becoming more rare.  Perseverance is part of the formula.  In 1967 no one discussed the laws and gambles of marriage.  We just fell in love and thought we would be happy ever after with the honeymoon glow thrown in for life.  Defining happy has taken many dictionaries through the years.  One day we realized we couldn’t make the other person happy.  That was their choice.  Another year we learned that looking away when the other mate acted stupid and egotistical and looking back when they acted normal was a key to successful marriage.  We understood early that parenting was a couple-thing, and we must always present a unified front to the boys.  Experiencing teaching every day, rearing children, and attending all their activities was exhausting. Then added to that schedule was the care of our ailing parents, both of us holding second jobs several times in our marriage ,and volunteering in the Young Life ministry for  twenty plus years. These activities changed our focus and created giving and compassionate spouses. 

The boys have become men of integrity and hard workers. John and Christine are now making those “parental” decisions. We enjoy watching them parent, discipline, motivate, and love their girls.  It seems they have learned in fifteen years what it has taken Denny and I over forty years to understand. 

In retirement we have learned all those years of sacrifice and putting up with our mates's “druthers” has been worth it.  We have learned to love better, be less concerned about a misplaced comment, and laugh at ourselves.  We spend many days accusing “somebody” of not putting something back in its place, locking a door, or some other task like putting the wash in the dryer.  The"somebody” makes us aware but not angry. No longer is it important to be right or do we feel wrong is threatening to our egos. Well, at least most of the time that is true.  Time has knocked off most of our gnarly edges and our memories represent artful forgery. It is good to remember the best and filter out the discord.

 These years together have refined us and polished our hearts and souls together.  I am feeling very blessed that our marriage is like an old sweatshirt. We are comfortable even when we have wrinkles and sags.  We earned them together, and I am grateful for the ups, downs, turn a rounds, hand holding, hugs, silly smug smiles, and hysterical laughter at our mishaps.  These are privileged memories that walk us to the door of old age. I sure wish we knew these things forty-seven years ago because those early years would have been so much easier.  However, I realize it is now we need smooth paths and understanding, so I guess the marriage formula does work as God designed.

A Praise To Our Creator

 

A Praise to our Creator 

            The sea has a life of its own.  I can hear the waves hitting the sand one block away.  Its force announces its power.  In the night, it sounds like a growling animal hidden beneath the stars and darkness. 

            Early morning red sun creates pink and golden light patterns in the gentle waves.  Now, the sounds are soft and melodious.  Early fisherman and pelicans seek the first fruits of the morning, the first whites, snappers, and red fish.  Small little shore birds dive for baby crabs and other little creatures that call the ocean, home.

The loud screaming sun is a magnet to the sea.  Warming waters call swimmers to move from the shore to the water.  Walkers venture into ankle deep waves to enhance their walk on the seashore.  The ocean becomes a playground to children, adults, and fisherman.   This magnificent body of water is an endless pool of adventure.

Evening sun sets dramatically on the horizon.  The liquid sun bounces along where sky meets sea.  The audience is ding into the sea.  As it sizzles down into the water, applauds and the blowing of conch shells used as horns can be heard all down the shoreline. 

Porpoises play.  Sharks skim.  Pelicans dive.  It is their home, their sanctuary, and their shelter.   The majestic ocean is a reflection of its Creator with unknown depths, meaningful happenings, beauty beyond comprehension,  a constant truth, and a known presence.  I am in awe of our Creator.