Difficulties Nurse Understanding

Pilot Light

From birth, each of us begins life with a spiritual pilot light in place. Sometimes it may dim, but it is always there.  Recently, an object lesson of life reinforced that to me.

“Husband, there is no hot water to wash dishes, my hair, or to bathe!”

 Denny checked the pilot light, and it seemed to be out.  He followed the directions on the hot water tank to reboot the pilot light, but to no avail.  We still had cold water.  So, he called the plumber for a next day appointment. We dreaded how much this would cost us.  We went the entire day without cleaning anything.  

Then, late in the evening, Denny was at the kitchen sink rinsing a dish and said, “Hey, we have hot water.”  Yep, the gizmo had reset itself, the pilot was on, and the water was hot again.  We wondered how long we had hot water.

This reminded me of the many times I thought my pilot was too dim to have sufficient faith to expect a miracle.  Sometimes I thought it was off when I could not write an inspirational blog.  Once, I even thought it went out when I lost a dear friend, Nancy Hoopingarner, who many others and I had prayed for believing a healing from cancer.  Instead, Nancy died rocking our faith and temporarily extinguishing our pilot light.   Who do you call for a reboot to your spirit?          

            Sometimes we suffer in a state of hurt and despair creating more seeds of destruction.  We operate on the premise that our circumstances can’t be fixed. We stay in that cold place a long time shivering with no hope or understanding.  We sink so low that we finally look up and ask our heavenly Father to help us.  When we do surrender, we discover warmth, a peace, and an understanding.  Were our pilot lights always lit but went dim because of what we were telling ourselves?  Were we operating on disfigured truth because of the circumstances?  How long do we stay facing the wall, when all along the eternal light within is ready to convert our worldly thinking into spiritual understanding?  My goal is to search my inner light and buried truth sooner and remember I have the constant warmth of the Spirit.

Waiting prayers

Waiting …everything I am seeking is on the way.

            In May, I planted two small moonflower plants.  I wasn’t sure they would grow on the trellis because it was not located in full day sun. I asked God to bless them as I do when I plant most of  my flowers.

             As each of my spring beauties blossomed, I marveled at their bright colors of yellow, purple and pink and wondered when my moonflowers would bloom.  As summer annuals were mixed into my perennials, I looked at the moonflower vine and observed it was growing, but there were no buds.  Annuals bloomed brightly, and soon in July and August my ten hydrangea bushes burst forth large, elegant white and pink blooms.  I looked at the moonflower vine, and it was still climbing the trellis.  September came and I pulled wilted annuals and cut back some of the perennials and wondered if I should pull up the moonflower vine since it was doing nothing but producing heart shaped leaves.  I was rushed that day of gardening and decided to just leave it and pull it out when I came back from vacation.

              As I surveyed the gardens when I returned, I could not believe what I saw.  Giant moonflowers were on my trellis and evidence of some that had bloomed and wilted while I was gone.  The plant produced what it promised.  It bloomed in its time and its season.  In the midst of becoming my blessing, I almost uprooted it.  Instead of expectation as I had in the early months, I felt disappointment toward the end of summer. I almost destroyed my blessing before the bloom time was here. 

            How many of us have planted prayer seeds and wondered if they would be answered?  At first we were patient and diverted by other things around us.  However, months passed and seemingly no answer.  Then, it shows up.  It slips into your life so quietly, with grace and ease.  You might not even believe it at first.  When you weren’t looking, working, or even praying about it; suddenly the answer is there.  My moonflower taught me a wonderful lesson this summer.  Pray for something with all my soul, my full heart, and have confidence that God hears my prayer and acts on it.  That’s it! In fact, I don’t have to do anything but look up and see my moonflower in His timing.

Waiting in Peace

         

"Waiting on the Storm" by Sandra Lee Baron

Lessons on Learning To Wait

           As noted in my last blog, I am learning to wait.  Two weeks later, I still  have my kidney stone and all its irritations.  I am waiting.  The doctor has decided I need surgery to remove it.  This is scheduled February 27^th.  However, I will continue to wait on Jesus’ timetable.  I know He knows my circumstances, and because I trust  Him , I can wait, hope, enter a new plan, and keep my eyes on Him, which I define as trust.

            It has taken many years to learn to wait in peace.  I am an impatient person and want to create the best painting on my first lesson.  Whatever I create, I push for success.  I remember when I learned to sew. My mother gave me a piece of fabric and a shirtwaist pattern. She said, “Read the directions carefully and cut precisely.  Do it in that order.” She left to work the midnight shift in her nursing career , and I was on my own.

            I opened the pattern carefully and trimmed it as I had seen her do many times.  I tried to read the instructions, but some parts were unclear, others seemed out of order, and one section had arrows pointing on how to lay the pattern on the fabric.  I put those aside.  They were too tedious.  I laid the pattern on the bright navy fabric. I turned it to fit like puzzle pieces, pinned, and cut.  I began by threading my bobbin with a navy blue thread.  My mother had taught me how to use the machine and how to make aprons.  That was my previous experience, but it gave me confidence.  I just sewed that night and followed my gut feelings on how to assemble.  Every once in a while, I'd glance at the instructions.  I followed the visuals on how to insert sleeves and gather the skirt onto the waistline.  So, I assembled and sewed. After ripping out the gathers in the skirt and resewing the bodice to the correct side of the skirt,  I was so happy with my first creation.  I put it on, swirled around, looked in the mirror and decided to mark the hem. 

            I tried and tried to get that hem even, but because I had not followed the directions and cut the skirt on the bias, it just did not hang well.  So, I settled and hemmed it the best I could.  I added buttons, pressed seams and the hem, and hung it on a hanger.  I thought that was so much fun.  It wasn’t perfect but it was my creation. I reached into my mother’s sacred fabric stash, neatly folded on a shelf and chose another piece.  I felt a pang of guilt but shoved it down and started another shirtwaist dress.  This time I looked more carefully at the layout process.  I aligned the pieces on the bright cerise cloth as the directions suggested.  I cut and assembled much faster because I had experience.  I finished in two hours and marked the hem.  This time the hem was even and hung attractively.  However, as I sewed on the buttons, I noticed in my haste I had put the buttonholes in backwards.  I had not read the instructions carefully as my mother had recommended. I gained a little more confidence, and lots of experience in ripping out buttonholes. 

              I have read the Bible every morning for forty plus years. At first, the directions were blurry because  I  read hastily and chose not to meditate , discover, or read carefully.  I had ragged hems a lot of years.  But, God waited patiently.  As a young mother, I gained experience, speed in doing things several tasks at once, but I still made mistakes that reminded me of my backward buttonholes that I made at sixteen. God waited as I unraveled each buttonhole.  

          As I built my career in teaching, I learned to wait on students until they took the  time to read directions and follow them instead of just jumping in and doing things their own way.  I waited for them to find their confidence and begin to write to express their joys or hurts. While reading their essays, I smiled at their mistakes, marked some, and wrote encouraging comments about their content at the top of their papers.  I learned to wait until they learned a concept before I tried to teach a new grammar rule and apply it.  I waited. It took many years for me to understand that waiting brought new truth, fulfillment, and peace. 

            Because of my impatience, I cut a lot of patterns out incorrectly.  Because I wanted to do it my way, I made some serious mistakes. Because I didn’t want to slow down and meditate, I missed some insightful truths on living in peace. However, Jesus has waited for me almost seventy years. 

            I’m still not a patient person.  The difference in that sixteen year old who made her first dress is that I  read the direction manual carefully and meditate how God's words apply to my life that day.  I know He is with me even when His timing is not mine.  I have learned that I can wait and still know peace.  So, I close this blog waiting, hoping, knowing, and loving Jesus.

 

Life Lines

copyrighted art of Betty Ann Fraley

Life Lines

Since all of life is filled with lines, I discovered to use them for my betterment.  As a young mom, I hated grocery lines with the children.  All their “being good” was used up and long lines meant  lots of saying “no” to  the candy located at the check out.  Then, one  of the guys would have to urgently go potty.  The youngest one would wiggle in the cart seat and begin to cry.  Of course, the register tape would break, the lady in front of me would have a million coupons, and my feet hurt from teaching all day.  I just wanted to get out of the place and go home.  Remember those days?  After one such incident, the Lord pricked my heart on the way home.

Internally, I heard him ask why I had not used that opportunity for Him?  What?  I didn’t have patience to even serve my family.  At that, I remember giggling and saying to Him, “OK, I give, we are your family. Show me how.”

 He taught me through Osborn Chamber’s devotional, My Utmost For His Highest. Chambers said, “ A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer.  God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and occasionally the saint says, ‘I can’t take any more.’  Yet, God pays no attention; He goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight and then He lets the arrow fly.”

That analogy has helped me so much.  Later on in any line, I learned to use the time to teach my children, whisper to them, or show them how to observe others and be grateful for those around us.  Line time became a relationship time. Now, it wasn’t perfect, but it sure improved my line expectations with our little guys.

  As I aged, life became fuller and more hurried, and I would feel frustrated waiting in a bank line, a doctor’s office, or a retail line.  Then, I would visualize myself being stretched for a purpose.  I would turn to someone near and begin to ask them about their life, their problems, and God would use me. The wait was fulfilling. I was experiencing holy love, and they were being splashed by grace.  

Lines continue.  Now, they are waiting with my husband, my granddaughters, or by myself.  God has taught me so much during these “waiting times.”  He taught me to pray at red lights, sing favorite hymns while stuck in traffic,and to be grateful for my blessings while waiting at doctors’ offices. Whether the line is short or long doesn’t matter.  It is God’s time, and I am His bow with His directed arrow.